Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thoughts on Dying

I am going to die.

This heart will cease to offer measure for the dance of my life.This breath will still from its long discourse with the sweet earth’s atmosphere. This mind will unravel from the lifespan coil of my story.

Yes, we are going to die. Our narration has a final page, and then a sigh perhaps, for those who enjoyed its candor – its rhythm. We are the authors of our Life’s work. Its inspiration is our contribution. I want to make mine a labor of love. I want my composition to be an original. I wish I could make it funny, but humor is not my gift. So I’m aiming for thoughtful and good natured, caring and uncompromising, compassionate and courageous. I hope the critics don’t proclaim (as they often do of creative works); “Ambitious, but falls short.”

I want to live each day in the shadow-less light of forgiveness from yesterday. At night I want to give myself over to sleep without attachment to the plot of my narration as a practice for the big ‘giving over’ that will wake me from the dream of this life. I want to help others to remember that this ‘now’ is all we have. All that 'was', has passed away. Time steals every moment from us like a little death. And that little death is followed by the new birth of the 'now'. We are reborn every instant. Forgive yourself from what has been so that you can allow the newness of the now to shine its full potential through you! The more we die to the old, the more we make way for the new. I open my eyes, like a newborn, to see... what a miracle gift each precious moment is, in this ever-changing Universe.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Embodied prayer...

When I dance

I feel you take me

Take me close

Take me in.

No matter how I try,

All of my offerings are replenished.

I want you to spend me.

Instead you spill into me.
And over me
And even my mouth has no want

And every breath I expend

you breathe back into me.

And next to me,

My sister,

My brother,
Are falling upwards
Into your arms.

You catch them.

You catch them all,

In your baptism of light ~

In your absolution of ecstasy.

I went to this really alive dance sanctuary/service this morning. It was so charged with positive energy... you should come some time :)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Still grieving...

When she died,
love began splitting atoms in my heart
To find her.
Each time
She is not found
an atomic flash
is emitted from my heart
Across the cosmos.

Not here... not here...
My love searches for her
Until it has spread everywhere
At light speed.

The searching hurts
Like an atomic flash
Then my small vessel
melts down in tears.

Over and over
This reaction has been triggered
Each time my heart recalls its love for her.
Something must be done...
This special love must be transmuted.

I want no more of special love.
This mourning has compelled a fission
Both catastrophic and miraculous.
The atomic flashes of love
Seeking her out across the cosmos
Have been the dawning
Of a more universal love,
One with infinite power
And yet peace
Peace at the core
and in my heart.

I will have less attachment to individuals, now. Because free will makes us too dangerous to count on. But this will not lessen my goodwill. In fact, it will preserve it from the spoil of bitterness. Expectation leads to disappointment. I know I have disappointed others in my special relationships.
I am more interested in Agape now (unconditional love). I want to throw myself more fully into the Ministry of goodwill and service without attachment or expectation. I want peace in my heart. All of this is passing. Everything we do and feel is an offering to the only eternal place. Nothing belongs to us here. Our love comes from God and belongs to God. God is love. Jenny is with God now. She is held in love.